What is Ghosting?
The way people communicate with one another has always been complicated. For example, the individuals in a conversation could be incredibly different from each other. One person could be interested in a subject while the other may not be.
On one hand, the people conversing could try to steer the conversation to something they’re interested in or just end the conversation and leave. Some people don’t just stop at walking away from the conversation, but instead stop hanging out with the other person completely. This is what we call ghosting.
The act of ghosting someone has been around for ages, but with the rapid rise of social media, the act of disappearing from someone’s life has gotten a name. Ghosting, according to Urban Dictionary, is “When a person cuts off all communication with their friend or the person they’re dating, with zero warning or notice beforehand. You’ll mostly see them avoiding friend’s phone calls, social media, and avoiding them in public.”
This is also often referred to as the Houdini Act, named after the famous stunt-performer who often had to escape from dangerous traps. Now, it’s used for when someone escapes from a person, almost as an easy way out of a friendship or relationship.
Why do people ghost?
People may ghost for various reasons, all dependent on the personalities involved. Some people do it intentionally, but it can also be accidental.
In an intentional scenario the person ghosting would choose to stop replying. The reasons may vary between people, but it’s usually because the person lost interest in the person they’ve been talking to. It could happen in real life or online.
If the ghosting was an accident, however, it was most likely done online. When on social media, people tend to talk to multiple people at once. For instance, if a person finds someone they’re talking to boring, they may begin to talk to someone else. They can forget to reply back to the original person. Slowly, the pair stop texting, and their relationship will slowly come to an end.
Ghosting is Good
Though the act of erasing yourself from one’s life could terribly hurt the person you’ve ghosted, sometimes it’s necessary in order to ensure one’s safety, mentally and physically. A common reason for ghosting goes beyond getting bored of someone. Instead, it’s because that person has made you uncomfortable. This could happen with both in person relationships and online ones.
When it’s a real life relationship, the victim of ghosting could have done something to make the other person uncomfortable. Usually the person ghosting would be too scared to confront them or would have already told them about it without seeing a change in their behavior.
In online relationships, the ghosted might have asked for personal information or pictures, especially inappropriate ones. Often the person would repeatedly ask for these things without stopping, until the person being harassed blocks them, stops talking to them, or obliges their requests. This would make the person talking to them feel unsafe and justifiably obligated to ghost them.
Eleanna Curri ’26 said, “Personally, I feel like ghosting someone is okay, since I don’t think you should have to explain yourself regarding why you don’t want to hang out or talk to someone anymore, especially if they just make you uncomfortable. If they do that, I believe that you have the right to ghost them.”
Another valid reason that people may resort to ghosting would be because of toxicity. When you meet someone for the first time, they might seem like a perfectly normal person. However, as you get to know them more, they could end up revealing that they are racist, homophobic, or transphobic, for instance. Though it’s usually best to confront them about this behavior, the person ghosting may not feel completely comfortable with doing so.
Why is Ghosting Bad?
Though ghosting could be well justified in some cases, in others scenarios, average people are ghosted with the only reason being that they weren’t as interesting to talk to.
Ghosting someone without even offering an explanation as to why can be extremely hurtful, leaving the ghosted individual with a lot of emotional and mental distress. The sudden and unexplained disappearance of someone from someone else’s life can create a lot of confusion, self-doubt, and a sense of rejection. The absence of closure prevents the ghosted person from being able to understand the reasoning behind the disconnect, making them overthink the reasons behind why they were abandoned.
The result of ghosting could inflict long term damages on self-esteem and trust within an individual, which could in turn affect how the person ghosted makes friends in the future.
The person ghosted would have a harder time letting people in with the fear of being ghosted again. It will be a lot more challenging for them to trust others, fearing that they will also vanish without warning. This fear will prevent them from forming deep and meaningful relationships with others, since they will have a difficult time being vulnerable with them. “I think that ghosting is harmful and shouldn’t be normalized. We as individuals do not owe another person anything, but it is harmful to enthusiastically engage with someone just to abruptly end a conversation with them,” said Ngozi Ihesiaba ’26.
As a consequence, the person ghosted may start questioning not only the dynamics of that specific relationship, but also their self-worth and how they present themselves to others. This can magnify insecurities, making the individual increasingly uncertain about their interactions, communication style, and overall demeanor in social situations.
It’s complicated
Though to most people there seems to be only one clear answer to whether ghosting is good or bad, there seems to be a bit of a gray area.
Some would argue that it’s a safe and easy way to protect and distance yourself from problematic behavior on the internet without potentially putting yourself in danger. It’s a valid reason, especially if these people know you in person. After all, your own safety always comes first, and actually saying that you don’t want to talk to them anymore could possibly land you in a very dangerous situation. Olivia Hsin ’26 states, “Personally, I think there are much better ways to deal with someone. I feel like oftentimes people ghost people to either avoid confrontation or to try to hint something to that person. I don’t think it works very well, because it gives off very mixed ideas to the person being ghosted, and they are usually left not getting the message. Also, it’s hard to say if ghosting someone is justifiable or not. It may seem like a good response towards someone you’re mad at, but it can also come off as being really mean, and may end up causing problems that are worse than how they started.”
Others will argue that it’s unfair to those ghosted as they could be normal innocent people who just wanted a friend to talk to. After all, a lot of the time people ghost others just because they got bored of them. The effects of getting ghosted also tend to be detrimental to the mental health of the person on the receiving end of this treatment.
Though these two sides do make some great points on whether ghosting is just or not, these are just some of the usual trends that can be observed from ghosting, and most of the time, it’s a lot more complicated than it seems at first glance.
How Ghosting is Becoming a Part of the Way We Communicate
In fact, at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks. After all, no matter if we think ghosting is bad or not, this won’t stop anyone from doing it. Most of us have been ghosted at least once in our lives, and half of the time we don’t even notice or realize it’s happened. Sometimes it’s for a petty reason, but sometimes the situation is more serious.
This act has already become increasingly normalized, especially with the rise of Gen-Z and social media, and it’s safe to say that this “trend” won’t be disappearing anytime soon.
Ghosting, whether we like it or not, is slowly integrating into the way we humans communicate with each other. Regardless of personal opinions, the act of ghosting has implemented itself into our communication practices, shaping and changing the dynamics of relationships.
This change in the way we communicate shows the shift in societal norms, showing the complex ways that humans interact with each other and the ways social media influences how we communicate.
Ghosting, whether we like it or not, is slowly integrating into the way we humans communicate with each other. Regardless of personal opinions, the act of ghosting has implemented itself into our communication practices, shaping and changing the dynamics of relationships.