From the nauseating smell of dull airport air after getting off a sixteen hour flight from New York to Mumbai for my cousin’s wedding, to the jasmine, rose, and sandalwood mixture that intoxicated me throughout my entire week-long trip in India, the scents were just as overwhelming as the trip. This is not to glamorize the city of Mumbai, as there are still many slums and issues that the city has. However, this is meant to explain the allure of a traditional Hindu, South Indian wedding which capitalizes on making the most captivating and extravagant event possible. From clothing to flowers to food, everything is decked out in grandeur and color, in order to capitalize on the joy that the union brings to both families and the entire community.
Invitations
My cousin’s wedding had 540 people attend, my favorite part being that only 400 were invited! The invitation process is not as cut and dry as many western weddings. Family and many immediate friends are given personalized invitations, but other members of the community are also invited, even told to bring their extended family. The entire day is booked from early morning to mid afternoon, in a grand event space, so that the community can traverse and all can enjoy the event. Since the Hindu community is the largest ethnic group in India, weddings in this culture usually create a tsunami of participation. Thus you get guest lists into the hundreds.
Attire
The clothing in an Indian wedding lives up to its reputation for being dramatic, detailed, and gorgeous. The dresses which many younger women wear, especially those who are unmarried, is called a lehenga choli. It is a two piece dress that shows a small midriff section with a scarf, a chunni, adorned in many ways. This is also called a dupatta. The bride however, and the older or married women, often opt for a saree. This comes with a top piece and a few cut silks and cloths that fold to make a very elegant dress which is draped over the shoulder. The bride doesn’t wear white. Unlike in western weddings, white is a very unpopular wedding color for brides in Hindu weddings. The most traditional color is a deep red, almost a scarlet. This is ironically a traditionally unpopular western wedding color, even for guests to wear. The groom in most Indian weddings is the one to wear white or a very light cream or pastel color. Most of the men at the wedding wear a kurta. This is a top piece which is a long dress shirt for men that opens on the sides a bit and is usually worn with a fancier and more colorful vest on top. The vest however may only be worn by older men or by closer family in the wedding depending on how fancy the service is. The men also wear a kurta pajama or pants with the kurta. The kurta pajama is a white long cloth folded once to make a simple skirt like dress. This is only worn during the actual ceremony or for the entire time by older men or highly religious members of the community. All of this is up to personal preference, however, and there are no restrictions on which of the outfits people can choose.
The lehengas and kurtas can be found in so many different price ranges in markets, to much more upscale malls and department stores. There are many expensive lines of wedding attire that retail every year for hundreds of dollars more than a simple market dress. However, the intensity of the design and beading is unchanged in many cases, which shocked me. For an average wedding season price in many stores, you can find hundreds of custom made dresses, all in one size, because of the hand-stitched beadwork, that have thousands of tiny beads stitched into them with intricate lace and more. Because of this, shops include alterations when selling these pieces. Most even have their own sewing machines out front and can complete the alterations while you are there ,if the alterations are simple. Some may just take a day or two. The color options are also endless, all of them vibrant. Even the whites are stark and bright; not a single fabric is muted.
Jewelry
Photos of jewelry when you search up “desi wedding” or “Indian wedding“ look unrealistic as they are photos of decked out necklaces, earring, and bangles which look as though they are worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in gems and gold. However, most of this is costume jewelry which is sold in markets and mall shops for no more than thirty to fifty dollars for a whole set. The point isn’t always to have the most expensive attire at these event,s as most people find it fun to wear beautiful costume jewelry that matches the beauty and extravagance of the event. The jewelry is what seals the reputation that Indian weddings have as being glamourous and over the top. The bride, however, wears stacks of real gold. She is gifted gold from the groom’s family and her own to wear for her wedding. As such, many women who are married also wear their own real gold.
Shopping
Shopping is a family event before the wedding comes. Weeks before the wedding, the bride and groom’s outfits are secured and tailored perfectly. However, the rest of the family usually shops together the week of the wedding. During the wedding season in Mumbai, there are many places to find clothing, shoes, and jewelry. There are many malls which carry department stores. However, there are also markets which are a collection of wedding stores near each other which carry kurtas, lehengas, and shoes for the wedding. The dresses are so personalized in style that each store carries hundreds of designs, and there is virtually no risk of having stores compete to sell the same dress as they are custom designed by the store. The selection is overwhelming at first to see, considering that the stores usually are quite small and have one or two changing rooms. Even so, the atmosphere is not rushed or cramped, but the designers and store owners really care to help people find the perfect selection.
The Venue
The venue is a simple but important decision for the bride’s family to make. Usually costs of the wedding are paid for by the bride’s family, and the gold gifted to the bride, as well as the honeymoon, is paid for by the groom’s family. Therefore, the venue has to be large enough to accommodate hundreds of people at once. There are food stations at one end of the hall and chairs laid out for people’s convenience around the center stage where the ceremony is performed.
The Week Of
The events leading up to a wedding differ for many different parts of India. There is a lot of overlap, but southern Hindu weddings have different rituals than the northern ones. The wedding ceremony is only one day, but there are events for the families which last the whole week. The shopping that I detailed earlier usually happens at the beginning of the week. After a day or two of that, the females in the family have an entire day to do henna.
The bride and groom’s family usually do this separately, as the bride has to sit for such extravagant henna on both her arms and legs. It can take up to six hours to apply and three more to dry before letting it sit overnight. Other women in the family, however, usually just get henna on their arms, which still takes around an hour to an hour and a half to apply. Then, to make sure the henna darkens as much as possible, they leave it on for hours until it dries. The day after henna is the ritual Dakshina, where the bride and groom go and ask for their family’s blessings in their houses. The families perform these ceremonies on the same night but in their separate houses. This ceremony is beautiful and personal to the immediate family, as the couple go around and touch all of their elders’ feet as a sign of respect, and they receive a blessing in return. Finally, after the wedding, after the bride says goodbye to her family, there is a welcome home ceremony at the bride and groom’s new house. This is usually with the groom’s family or in the same apartment building, since families for up to four generations live close knit to one another in many Hindu communities.
Weddings and other forms of marriage are practically a timeless tradition in our society, as the practice is shared by most cultures on the planet and brings people together through joy and celebration. Hindu weddings are filled with tradition and love where the entire community celebrates the couple and the families who have joined.