At least once in your life, you have likely heard the stern line “act your age,” thrown at you by a disapproving parent or teacher, paired with an accusatory finger pointed at you. If so, you might have stopped to wonder what this reprimand truly meant. When do we really start “acting our age” and transitioning from the fun-loving ways of childhood to the composed and responsible attitude associated with adult life?
In order to answer this question, we must define growing up as a concept or a framework. Many people might turn to a scientific definition, which describes childhood and adolescence as the stages where the body and mind develop most rapidly into their adult forms. Generally, this process is believed to occur between the ages of 0 and 18. However, this timeframe is more of an approximation than an analysis of what truly leads a person from childhood to adulthood.
Instead of using ages themselves, we will frame the road to maturity as a journey along which one’s identity begins to form and solidify. Although many people are born with prominent personality traits which they carry throughout the course of their lives, the development and evolution of these traits is what can truly be used as a marker for the “end” of one’s adolescent days, and the beginning of their adult life. The discovery and understanding of one’s identity relies on a multitude of factors, from a person’s temperament to their motivations to their socialization skills to the specific coping mechanisms which they develop.
Around the ages of 10 to 12 years old, these traits have likely been solidified. This is because a person’s nature or disposition is highly heritable and rooted in their biological background. By the early stages of one’s adolescence, their innate traits have interacted enough with life experiences to form lasting aspects of their personality.
However, what influences the formation of these traits? In an interview that I conducted with eighty-five-year-old licensed psychologist Svetlana K., I was offered a personal approach to interpreting how these traits form — one that proved to be surprisingly unconventional.
How Hobbies Support and Dictate Growth
“Many people show an interest in a specific area in their early childhood,” Svetlana K. explained. “This may be playing an instrument, painting, writing, singing, or playing a sport; it doesn’t matter. Not only is this interest key in molding a child’s sense of self as they mature, but it develops the skills which they will use all throughout their lives.”
Svetlana K. highlights that the link between a child’s passions and their growth is not purely symbolic — it’s scientific. During early childhood and adolescence, the mind undergoes several “sensitive periods,” or moments in development where the effects of tangible experiences are particularly strong. This is due to the malleability of a child’s neural circuits during those periods. Take a person who pursues musical training from a young age; the skills which they acquire through this practice reshape their various brain systems while they are at their most “plastic” or adaptable.
Through the physical act of playing an instrument, motor skills and coordination quickly develop and improve, allowing children to interact with their environments and to perform daily activities successfully. Additionally, the analysis of complex symbolic systems in the form of musical notation encourages the development of one’s prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that conducts adaptive thinking, emotional regulation and impulse control. These skills are all linked to greater academic success, language learning, and the general development of the mind.
In Svetlana K.’s words, the hobbies one takes up in their younger years craft the crucial skills which will define their journeys into adulthood. “The moment at which one consciously chooses to pursue their hobby further or stop engaging with it is the moment at which we see how their personality has grown and changed,” she explained.
She provided the famous example of Serena Williams, who is now widely considered to be the greatest women’s tennis player in history. By the age of 3, Williams was already training intensively alongside her father and sisters to become a professional tennis player. It was her conviction in her skills and the strength of her passion for the sport that ultimately brought her from training in rundown public courts to winning the Australian open — seven times. For Williams, a practice which she took up during her childhood molded and defined all the traits which she came to embody in her adult life: discipline, confidence, and determination.
Although Williams is an extreme example of committing to an occupation and letting it guide you, studies have often shown that exercise is one of the greatest factors in a person’s physical and emotional growth. Tennis specifically promotes cardiorespiratory fitness, or the healthy connection between the heart, lungs, and blood vessels, by engaging the entire body in physical activity. Children and teens who participate in organized sports have been proven to develop enhanced attention spans and greater cognitive abilities compared to their less active peers.
Oftentimes, however, the emotional payoffs of participating in such sports are overlooked. A child or adolescent’s self-confidence and the way in which they process stress is greatly benefited by frequent physical activity. Research shows that adolescent boys and girls who participate in organized sports report significantly higher body satisfaction than those who do not. Finding yourself and feeling confident in your body are key parts of growing up, so the importance of physical activity in one’s transition away from childhood cannot be understated.
Finding One’s Place in Society, and How it Correlates with a Maturing Mind
However, the journey to adulthood is a winding road with many different turns to take towards growing up. One’s pastimes are only part of a far larger puzzle of personal growth and discovery. To encourage this growth, many cultures hold ceremonies which symbolize the transition into adulthood. Take the Jewish Bar and Bat Mitzvah or the Latin American Quinciñera — both ceremonies were built to help adolescents discover the traits which they will seek to embody in their adult lives.
The Bar and Bat Mitzvahs, for example, are held for boys when they turn thirteen years old and for girls when they turn twelve years old, respectively. This rite of passage combines religious traditions with exciting celebrations: reading and analysis of the Torah is mixed with a joyous gathering for family and friends. Loved ones of the person celebrating are often invited to speak on the birthday girl or boy’s growth, delivering speeches that reflect the time they have known them for and how they have seen them change and evolve. The process of reaching one’s Bar or Bat Mitzvah is a journey of its own, which varies from person to person.
Over the course of months or even years, a child must prepare to enter adulthood through researching and memorizing Torah portions in Hebrew and learning to lead parts of prayer service. Next, they must complete a Mitzvah, or a personal project meant to benefit their community and demonstrate commitment and understanding of Jewish values. This journey is incredibly personalized, from which Torah portions a person chooses to represent themselves with to which kind of Mitzvah they perform.
In Hebrew, the word “Mitzvah” means “good deed” or “commandment.” Performing a Mitzvah is meant to encourage kindness towards the people, animals, and environment in one’s community. Adolescents are encouraged to choose projects that they care about, may that mean tidying up a park, helping out at an animal shelter, interacting with or assisting elderly citizens in their community, or doing anything else which they find personally moving or important. Mitzvahs underscore one’s personal values and what they wish to change in the world, allowing an adolescent to find their role in society — a key part of growing up.
Similar to the Bar and Bat Mitzvah, yet distinct in culture and origin, is the Latin American Quinciñera. A Quinciñera celebrates a girl’s 15th birthday. Symbolic of one’s transition from childhood to womanhood, the tradition is often marked by a Church procession and a party. Many girls perform volunteer or service acts tied to their communities, from organizing concerts and performances to lending a hand in Sunday schools and youth programs. The Quinciñera blends Catholic traditions with family celebrations to symbolize a young woman’s maturity and readiness to “join society,” a common theme in coming-of-age rituals. It teaches independence, etiquette, and social maturity, backed by the support of friends and family.
These two unique systems illustrate that the coming-of-age process is deeply rooted in the morals that members of a community are expected to exhibit as they grow into adults. However, are these ceremonies more symbolic than they are scientifically and morally indicative of a child’s transition into adulthood? Will participating in events that benefit one’s community or encourage personal growth truly develop the mind? According to Svetlana K., the answers are both yes. The journey of working towards a goal and upholding one’s community, as well as honoring a tradition specific to their culture, helps build the distinct character one needs to be considered an “adult.”
Research has shown that community engagement promotes personal growth in a myriad of different areas. Through engaging in social work, one builds up the unique interests and self-confidence that they need to blossom into a well-rounded and emotionally healthy adult. According to a study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association Network Open, based on a survey of 50,000 children and adolescents in the United States, those who participated in some form of volunteer work were 66% more likely to be classified as “flourishing” than their less involved counterparts.
Participating in your community is not just altruistic — it is a service to yourself. “Coming of age ceremonies emphasize volunteer work because it shows an understanding of one’s responsibility to those important to them — a hallmark of maturing,” said Svetlana K.
How The Road to Adulthood Has Changed Over Time
The notion of what makes one an adult has shifted significantly over time. With multiple generations of clients from all across the world, Svetlana K. has found that the adolescent understanding of what one’s role in society will be has changed drastically. “Many years ago, young adults would enter the workforce earlier, oftentimes less educated than today’s youth. They held a greater feeling of responsibility towards their parents, and there was an understanding that one worked to support their families.
“Now, society has allowed for the individual to become more independent,” she explained. “Young adults are expected to go off into the world and support themselves first and foremost. They grow up knowing this, feeling the societal pressure of working for themselves, and that also contributes to their growth. Children and teens are maturing faster than ever before.”
Sometimes, growing up may be associated with feelings of anxiety, unsureness, and even dread. As any change does, the switch to adulthood represents a step away from the familiar and the comfortable — although at times, it may feel much more like an unsteady drop. However, it is important to remember that the conclusion of adolescence is not the end of one’s formation as an individual. With countless experiences ahead, one’s personality, morals and outlook on life will be molded by the world around them, far past the initial stages of adolescence. An individual’s childhood is their starting line; where they choose to go from there is the journey that truly defines them as a person.
At least once in your life, you have likely heard the stern line “act your age,” thrown at you by a disapproving parent or teacher, paired with an accusatory finger pointed at you. If so, you might have stopped to wonder what this reprimand truly meant. When do we really start “acting our age” and transitioning from the fun-loving ways of childhood to the composed and responsible attitude associated with adult life?