We are like statues; sculpted carefully, each mark leaving an imprint on our makeup. The sculptors — our friends, family, or perhaps a stranger you met in passing — all affect us. The mark that they leave, regardless of how nuanced, is indelible.
I was pondering this idea during one of my evening train rides. On this particular day, the train was relatively empty. There was a pair of people: two women, talking and laughing together. Their arms were interlinked at the elbow, and they pushed each other lightly when they laughed. Their body language was indicative of their strong bond. In contrast, a row back two people sat rigidly, their eyes glued to their phones. They were in their own world, yet trying not to invade others’ space. Most likely they were strangers – respectful ones.
Understanding these connections between people on the train is a testament to how powerful nonverbal cues and body language can be. Nothing has to be outwardly stated for a message to be understood. It made me wonder: how much influence can one have on a person even if no words are exchanged? For instance, the two women on the train had similar styles and were wearing matching hairdos. Did they subconsciously adapt to the other’s style or consciously make this decision?
In my exploration of this topic, I reached out to Irina Yulis, a speech pathologist who treats patients that have difficulties speaking and swallowing. “As a speech pathologist, I often see the importance of influence even in non-verbal children with multiple disabilities. A positive behavior modeled by an adult, which results in rewards, for example…[is] often imitated within a half an hour session, versus a modeled behavior which results in removal of reward or punishment. Influence matters even in settings where the influence is only conveyed through eye contact, gestures, and facial expressions,” Yulis said.
Irina referenced a concept called operant conditioning. Through this learning system, positive behaviors are reinforced and negative behaviors are limited through repetitive conditioning and a reward system. As a result, the subject whose behavior is being modified is more likely to repeat the behavior that gets them a reward versus the behavior that leads to punishment.
Operant conditioning is also used outside of speech pathology; it is more than likely that you have applied this technique (or your actions have been altered through this technique) in your everyday life.
Simply put, as people, we are inclined to be well-liked in society. Whether this means making someone smile, or doing something with the intention of receiving gratitude, every day we impact others and their impression of us. If we see that a certain behavior consistently produces positive emotions in a person, we are likely to repeat that same action. Their approval and positive emotions are like a reward; they are conditioning us to alter our behavior — whether they do it knowingly or not!
Operant conditioning can manifest itself in the form of peer pressure. During adolescence, around the age of 14, children are most susceptible to falling under the influence of their peers. The area of the brain involved in decision-making and reasoning, the prefrontal cortex, is underdeveloped. This can interfere with their ability to make clear and thought through decisions, which makes it easy to go down the wrong path.
A prominent example of this is substance abuse. In a study entitled ‘The Influence of Parents and Friends on Adolescent Substance Use: A Multidimensional Approach,’ researchers found that the most important factor in the development of substance use is an adolescent’s peers. It is proven that adolescents who have friends that use drugs are more likely to engage in this activity too. Individuals involved with drug usage are more likely to possess or know how to get these drugs – the easy access can make the experience more enticing.
Seeing people model this behavior reinforces positive beliefs that there are benefits to doing this activity. This enforced ‘normality’ will incline others to settle into the same habits.
Operant conditioning can also manifest itself in positive ways. In a work or school environment, a productive team or friend group can motivate you to perform better. Intrinsic motivation from one person may incentivize others to feel better and work better. In workplace environments, evidence suggests that employees perform 20% better than their colleagues when they are motivated and engaged. If an employee models positive prosocial behavior, others will be motivated to follow suit. In other words, the employee is using operant conditioning to change the emotions and actions of others. Not only does this benefit other employees, but it benefits the overall company.
Friend Groups
Through her time as a speech pathologist, Irina Yulis has worked with students from various schools and learned about patterns and behaviors that adolescents follow. “The ‘nerds’ tend to associate themselves with the like and spend lots of time at the library. The ‘trouble makers’ tend to peer pressure others and gain the attention of those seeking to break the rules a bit. The nerd groups hardly ever associate themselves with drug-related gangs for example. Why? They each are influenced by the direct relationship of their group peers,” Irina said.
In my own experience growing up, I was a part of a variety of friend groups. Each clique had its theme. The most unique group was the ‘cookbook-friend group,’ where along with five other girls I was adamant about writing recipes and sticking them into a communal binder. We spent our lunch periods planning and talking, and sample cookbooks were scattered across our table. After we had mapped out our initial ideas, roles were assigned. I became a ‘recipe writer’ while two other girls nominated themselves as owners. Since I wasn’t an owner, I had to do what everyone else was doing. For instance, everyone got assigned costumes to promote the brand. And while some got to handpick their outfits, I got selected to wear the mouse costume. I should have spoken up to argue for something better than a street mouse. However, in elementary school, I would be quite reticent and shy and always neglected to address issues. I was wrapped up in trying to become a person that would make my friends happy.
I embodied the ‘ideal friend’ character, believing that I had to be ‘ideal’ to be liked. No one told me to change my personality, but their body language suggested that they were happy with the facade that I had created. Even as a child, my friend group had a significant effect on me. The people around me made me who I was, even though they didn’t have to say anything to change me.
Although this situation was harmless, it is typical of how people act as they grow up. Peer pressure has such a strong influence, and it often goes undetected. It took me many years to understand that the “idealized friend” that I became was not who I was as a person.
Notes and Perspectives
To grasp the concept of influence, I asked people from various places, jobs, and lifestyles to answer how they have been influenced by the people around them and what they think about the effect of this influence.
Irina Yulis said, “My friend Jeff often influences me. Sometimes I may be a pushover at work or with friends, which often leads to being taken advantage of. In my conversations with him, he tells me some things about his work (for example asking for a raise), standing up for his rights as an employee. I immediately got the courage to stand up for myself as well.”
Tiffany Tang ’26 said, “The people around me have influenced my behaviors as I unconsciously adopt their habits such as their vocabulary and reactions to certain situations. Even minor and subtle mannerisms have in some way integrated into the way I act around people and in different social [situations].”
Jade Brito ’26 said, “I think the people around you should resemble what you value in life and yourself. If you value aspects such as laughter, kindness, generosity, and different things within that category, your friends should resemble that, those will be the good influences you need in life to become a better version of yourself. Straying away from that leads to the bad influences you may call friends, which can drain your moods, sour your personality, and even ruin other relationships you may have with others, as the more you hang around someone, the more likely you are to pick up on their habits.”
It is important to note that influence is subjective. Not every person reacts the same to peer influences as each individual has their own set of beliefs. But at the end of the day, we are in control of who we become and we have to make the conscious decision to do what’s right for us. As Abhinav Akella ’26 noted, “ [We are affected by the people around us] to an extent, yes, because of a moral calling to follow in the footsteps of people you adore. But I think this idea works only to a certain extent because it’s also very personal and depends on your boundaries and your ability to hold your own against negative influences.”
It is hard to see the effect someone has on you until you step back and observe it from an outsider’s perspective. Though it may seem like you are who you were before you met your closest friends, small habits or ways of speech that you have unconsciously developed relate to how close you are to them. You start to copy their language, or maybe you bond on a shared interest, and the connection grows stronger. You adapt to certain lifestyles of your friends, and they adapt to yours. We all influence each other. We just have to make sure the influence we’re receiving is a reflection of who we want to be.
Influence matters even in settings where the influence is only conveyed through eye contact, gestures, and facial expressions,” said Irina Yulis, a speech pathologist who treats patients that have difficulties speaking and swallowing.